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+--- Thread: What's Worse Than Death? (/Thread-what-s-worse-than-death--77902)
What's Worse Than Death? - AngelaJohnston - 02-11-2022
With this post I am going for GOLD - grab a cup of coffee and let's go for a ride...
I haven't posted for a long while and there is a good reason for it - Although I had made a decent recovery before (please read my story HERE), I had slipped through the cracks again. Badly. As the saying goes "ships don't sink, because of the water around them - ships sink, because of the water that gets in them" - this is exactly what happened to me. I let all kinds of negative emotions kick and drag my soul to the deepest darkness you can imagine. I stopped going to gym. Started eating junk food. To make things worse, I even began to drink alcoholic drinks to numb my pain...
On the surface, I was still performing relatively OK. I managed to produce average quality work (as per my own standards) and customers are still happy. Although I procrastinated to the last second, I somehow managed to drag my a$$ through the tightest of cracks. I would drink and eat junk for days and then finish a huge project in a single day or multiple small projects at the very last minute. I became an Olympic Procrastinator and would beat myself for all my failures on a daily basis and then drink again to numb the pain.
What's the result?
My weight has reached 125kg - 24/07/2020.
I became a VERY toxic person - due to my bleeding soul (angry, jealous, over-reactive...you name it).
Most of my business development ideas remained on the shelf, gathering dust.
...The list is endless.
Instead of posting a success story AFTER an event - I am offering a journey from the lowest point of darkness all the way up to the sunny surface. Every day I will be making detailed notes and looking for strategies and TESTING, TESTING, TESTING...at the end of a week I will update this thread (yep, every week - religiously) with the findings of what worked best and results. So others could use it for guidance. I have nearly committed suicide because of this emotional pain...so, if this thread shines a light on at least a single soul, my effort was well worth it.
Current 'fun' facts about my so-called life:
No sleep pattern whatsoever (going to bed whenever and waking up at different times).
Over-reactive, jealous, angry, toxic person who externalizes inner pain on outside world.
Eating junk food and drinking alcohol to numb the emotions mentioned in step 2 above.
Spending about 80% of my 'working' time on Facebook - scrolling aimlessly through posts.
Chronic procrastinator with basically 0.01% of self-love and continuous self-sabotage.
I will run this tread for a year. Here is what I will aim for during this hustle period:
Drop down to at least 90kg - will post photo of my physique for verification/inspiration purposes.
Move from 'self-employed' to 'business owner' by launching a financially successful, scalable business (have 2 verified business models already).
Become a calm, zen-like person who appreciates himself, others and abundant opportunities that surround us.
There are just 3 main goals for entire year. However, when I reach them - I will become ENTIRELY different human being. Don't get me wrong, this is going to be probably one of the toughest fights of my life - you will witness relentless struggle, blood and tears...all at once. I will be 100% transparent on my updates and will post on a weekly basis. You will witness fat, negative, hardcore procrastinator turn into shredded, zen-like individual who doesn't only write down goals, but hunts them down mercilessly.
Thanks for reading and being part of my journey <3